Thank GOD for spam emails! Without spam I never would have learned:
- My mortgage sucks and I need a new one
- My car is a death trap and I need better insurance
- My penis is small and must be enlarged
- I need to move into a better retirement home
- I should have died 3 years ago from no water filter in my home
- A bevy of lonely blonde Russian women want to do me
- A bevy of gorgeous obedient Korean women want to do me
- My life insurance sucks and I'm putting my children at risk
- I'm insensitive for not helping a poor rich Nigerian prince
- It's all my fault that millions of babies starved to death yesterday
- Plant based foods can kill me
- Animal based foods can kill me
- I need (at least) 8 new credit cards each month
- I am traitorous and un-American for not giving money to Democrats
- I am traitorous and un-American for not giving money to Republicans
- I'll burn in hell for not giving money to the Christians
- I've condemned my soul for not giving money to the Muslims
- My house needs remodeled or else my friends will disown me
- My marriage sucks if I don't bang my wife for 3 hours minimum per day
- I am rotting in poverty without 100+ mutual funds
- My cat is not as cute as everyone else's
- I am fat and doomed to an early death without 20+ diet plans
- I am wimpy and worthless without a couple dozen muscle drugs
- I am short and need special shoes
- I am stupid without miracle brain power herbs
- I am ugly and old without face cream
- I will never get laid and die alone without pheromone cologne
- My pimples are ruining my career
- My hemorrhoids are keeping me from a fulfilling life
- I need bigger tits
Thankfully, I was able to learn these things before it was too late! Now, on to page #2 of my emails...
