I'm offended

Things that do NOT offend me: opinions, breastfeeding, politics, name-calling, religions, sexuality, graffiti, assholes, television, slang, race, clothing, nationality, feminism, income, sarcasm, laws, performance art, criticism, swearing, biology, traditions, weather, costumes, marriage, books, flags, gender, dancing, jokes, or anything on the internet. If you see me running for my safe space, yowling like a cat in heat, or acting all pissy, it's probably because I AM offended by: stupidity, vegetables, taxes, nasty odors, prejudice, ingrown hairs, entitlement mentality, country music, failing vision, trespassing, spiders, Kardashians, shitty drivers, hiccups, expiration dates, overweight strippers, bad luck, and the color yellow.